Friday, April 5, 2013
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Knowing this fact, the then prevalent evil in the city decided that this was the best time to strike. Hence, during the monsoons we saw the evils of potholes, dirty clothes, leaky roofs, stolen umbrellas and not to forget the most feared of them all, wet underwear. But this monsoon was different. Apart from the water proof undies, we saw the return of Slimeball. Now for those of you who have not subscribed to the Know Your Villain weekly, here is a brief about him (nothing to do with the water proof undies).
Now getting back to the problem at hand, the city suffered from major traffic jams every time it rained. No, it was not your regular traffic jam. These jams were caused by a red substance. (No! it was not real jam) On closer inspection of the substance in question and days of analysis at the lab, it was determined that the substance was definitely slime. No one but the infamous Slimeball could be behind this. By some ingenious method, Slimeball was able to add gelatin to the rain which caused it to become slime once it hit the ground. This slime, due to its thickness, would not flow down the drains and would remain on the roads causing the traffic jams.
I had to catch this slimeball Slimeball and put him behind bars for good. The city could not afford to suffer any more traffic jams. I remembered I came across a fellow superhero a few days back and decided to give her a call. Let’s face it; we superheroes need to stick together. So drawing a plan with Double S, we set out to get our hands on that no good slimeball.
“How should we go about catching this fellow?” I asked. “May be we should follow the slime trail. It should lead us to Slime HQ,” replied Double S. Such brilliance from such a young superhero. I see good things in her future. Anyway, getting back to the topic, we started following the trail of slime. It lead us to a television studio. Now, being a little camera shy, I was hesitant going in at first, but I had to find this Slimeball. I stepped into the studio walking closely behind Double S. What I saw in there blew my mind. It was the studio in which the popular dance show ‘So you think you can dance’ was shot in. They were shooting a show as we entered. We followed the slime trail to one of the dancers changing room.
“That’s strange,” said Double S. “Could one of the dancers be Slimeball?” Being a huge fan of the show, I had not missed a single episode. It struck me, that a dancer named ‘Slides Alot’, one of the best dancers on the show, bore a striking resemblance to Slimeball. Even his dance involved a lot of quick yet smooth sliding on the floors. As we spoke, we heard the host announce his name “Give it up for Slides”, she said. We ran to the stage, but Slides, errr.. I mean Slimeball was on the other side of the stage. He recognized me from across the stage and made a run for it. Double S and I decided to give him the chase. Not realizing that we were running across the stage, we suddenly heard a roar from the audience. The judges looked as us and said “So you think you can dance?” My stage fright combined with my camera shyness was all of a sudden overcome and I yelled, “No! I don’t think I can dance!” Now it was difficult to lose Slimeball, thanks to his slimy tracks. We ran and were quickly behind him. But just at that moment, the rain started to pour and the slime started to build on the roads, making it nearly impossible to run. Slimeball lived to see another day.
Finally getting back home and into come clean clothes, Double S and I sat to rethink our plan. The weather report said we were in for some heavy showers the next morning. Knowing that the weather reports are always wrong, we decided to go after the slimeball in the morning. Rightly so, the sun was shining brightly, bright enough to have to apply sunscreen before going out in the sun. (Hey! A superhero also needs to take care of his looks ok!) Knowing his weakness for suffering snails, we decided to lure him with a ‘Snail sale’. I will not lie to you, business was slow but only till Slimeball visited our sale. After selling him every snail (and covering our costs), we decided to confront him. “So Slimeball, we meet again”. Slimeball replied in his shrill voice, “Oh no! It’s you again Double S.” “Ahem ahem,” I cleared my throat. “Oh SuperCraig, didn’t see you there,” he said.
He made a run for it. But within 2 minutes, the sun had dried him out. “That’s what happens when you don’t wear sunscreen,” I thought to myself. He was a wrinkled statue, and would remain that way till he got to soak up enough of water. We carried him to the nearest jail and locked him up in a room. Not taking any chances, we added a dehumidifier for good measure.
Satisfied with a job well done, we decided to celebrate. However, it started raining once again. Slimeball had planted some gelatin just before coming to buy the snails. For the last time, the city was faced with slime on the roads. Just then an idea came to me. I made some quick calls and within a few minutes, a number of helicopters were hovering around the city dropping sugar and flavor on the roads. This mixed with the slime made a delicious jelly, which the citizens of the city enjoyed! The city was saved once again by SuperCraig. But of course, I wouldn’t have done it without Double S.How did Slimeball manage to spread the gelatin across the city without anyone noticing you ask? Well, years later we discovered that he cleverly added gelatin to beetle leaves. Thanks to the number of people spitting out their paan on the roads the gelatin was spread all over the city. Kinda gross, now that you think about it.
This is SuperCraig saying bye for now, reminding you that a donut without u is don’t.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Firstly, sorry for making you wait so long for my next adventure. I was trying to figure out for so long what was wrong with my PC, but only just realized, that it wasn’t plugged in.
So any-hooo... perhaps the most notable adventure in the past few months would have to be my tiff with the one and only ‘K-Woman’ (or just K to make it easier to type). I am sure most of you haven’t even heard of this K, but let me tell you, it wasn’t a kake walk. Damn! Her effects are still showing. If you have not figured out her power as yet, read on. Even if you have figured it out, read on.
K loved to create havoc among the masses by screwing up spellings of normal words by including ‘k’ in it. May not seem like much, but believe me, it could turn into a nightmare, as I recently figured out.
The city seemed normal for a hot winter’s day. The muscular men with their tight sleeveless tops, non muscular men as well. However, I did notice something. A new AA center opened up just around the corner. I contemplated going, but decided against it. Contrary to what ‘Over-exaggerating boy’ says, I am not an alcoholic. It was disturbing to see so many people flock to the new place on the first day of its opening, all looking so weak, so fragile. Oh well, serves them right.
The city was devoid of any trouble for the next few weeks, so I regretfully tell you; I turned to the bottle to keep my busy. But after a week of drinking myself to sleep, I realized I needed to change. No good was coming from this habit. So I decided to check out the AA center. While casually passing the place, I noticed the people coming out. They all looked stronger, smarter and taller. I said, “Hey! I could do with some strength, increased brain power and definitely some height!” I decided to give it a shot
The next day, while casually walking past the AA center, I quickly changed direction and entered. Yes I was ashamed what I had become. When I went in I saw happy people, full of energy. They were playing basketball, riding cycles, doing their homework in record time. I was amazed. I had to join this place. So I went in for one of their sessions. The woman conducting the session was awfully familiar. I remembered her from the chemist. She was placing an abnormally large order for something. I distinctly remember her telling me, “It’s for the kids at the school”. I couldn’t remember what she bought. Anyway, sitting through the session I got out enlightened. But I still went home trying to remember what that woman bought at the chemist.
The next day, I went there 5 minutes before the session. I had to stand in the long line. But I was sure it would be totally worth it. While entering the center, I was handed a glass of a brown liquid. “Weird”, I thought as I took the glass in my hand and walked inside. Everyone there was gulping it down. I asked one of the guys there what was in the glass. He looked at me and said, “Who cares, it’s magical!!”
I walked outside and took a closer look at the sign over the entrance. It said “Enter”. I looked around and to the side of the door it said, ‘Alco-horlicks Anonymous’. It call came rushing back to me like the crowd entering the train at Dadar during peak hours. The woman was ordering 72 packs of Horlicks at the chemist. And then I recalled, she signed the receipt as ‘K-Woman’. It all added up now. She was building an army for herself right under Our Noses. Our Noses was a store on the first floor catering to the fake nose market. (This was surprisingly a huge market thanks to the late MJ)
It all made sense. The people in the center, playing basketball, cycling and doing their homework in record time was due to the brown liquid. The Horlicks!! I thought I would go into the session and midway reveal her plan to her unknowing victims.
As I entered, I noticed a weird stare from her. Thinking I had a Horlicks moustache I started wiping my upper lip. I looked back up and she was gone. All the doors and windows were locked from the outside. I was trapped in this room with about a hundred people who had been drinking Horlicks everyday for over a month. I had to get out and stop her. But how?
I yelled out, “Is there any one in here named Will?” One guy raised his hand. And just as I thought, right behind him, was a way. A way out. Running through the small passage way, I came out, and just in time, K was rushing to her bike. Just as she was about to ride away, I reached out to the bike ignition key and turned it off.
“So K-Woman, we meet again,” I said, with my hands on my hips. “Who are you again?” she replied. She was obviously playing dumb. I explained to her how I came to know of her evil plan. She replied, “Oh! You were here to stop me? I was running because I saw a man with a police uniform come in.” But then she explained what she was really doing, and she was not as evil as I thought. She was much worse! She was giving out the Horlicks not mixed in milk, but in water!! (Yuck!)
Not on my watch missy. It wasn’t enough that she was building an army of people without their knowledge, she gave them a sub standard drink. Below standard actually. But she did cure them from their alcoholism, which was a good thing. Now, come to think of it, she wasn’t that bad after all. I decided to let her off and give her another chance. Who knows, she may come to my rescue in the future. You remember the lion and the mouse don’t you?
I took over the ‘Alco-horlicks Anonymous’ from under Our Noses and turned it into an organization that gave underprivileged kids doses of Horlicks. We still catered to alcoholics who wanted to turn over a new leaf.
PS: This in no way is a promotion for Horlicks. None of the effects of Horlicks mentioned here are proven. Horlicks was chosen as it fit in perfectly, nothing else.
I also hope you haven’t turned to alcohol after reading this post.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
All characters in the comic below are purely fictional. Alright.. may be not all... but at least the door, clock and phones are.
So here goes, the first edition of the SuperCraig comics...
In case you were wondering, the breakfast did get cold.
Hope the title makes sense now.
This is SuperCraig signing out, reminding you not to be silly like me and run out before having your breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day you know.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
No, this is not a SuperCraig post. I hear a few of you disappointed, but most of you are happy! Today is a history lesson, read on to find out more:
We have all done it at some point of time. Most of us still do it. I am talking about the hi-five or more commonly known as the high five. We do it when we agree with someone, crack a good joke, (or a bad one) at work, at home, while playing sports; the hi-five has made its way deviously into our everyday lives.
Has anyone ever wondered how this global phenomenon started in the first place? Here’s what happened…I think. We take a look back (way back) to the time the first organism was formed. You must be thinking that there were no humans at the time. Well, you are right. But evidence found suggests that unicellular organisms like amoeba, even before figuring out they could split to multiply, hi-fived each other. Of course, it was not called a hi-five at that time. In fact, it had no name! We are talking about unicellular organisms, remember? But anyway, in today’s time, we don’t refer to it as a hi-five, but just a ‘high’.
The hi-five, then disappeared from the face of the earth, but only for a few hundred million years. We fast forward to the prehistoric times where early man were just forming societies, making new friends and asking out the opposite sex to a cup of coffee since splitting a person into two didn’t seem to work now! Getting back to the topic, the hi-five at that time wasn’t the hi-five we all know and love now. Back then, the hi-five was used to check whose hands and fingers were longer. However, since there was no soap back then, germs spread quickly through the constant hand contact, causing catastrophic diseases like gooey substances from the nose, rashes and dirty hands. The hi-five went on yet another break. Prehistoric men then started trying to see which one if their hands were bigger and started hi-fiving themselves. This is when the clap (or the self-five) was introduced into the human society. But that’s another story for another day.
So getting back to the topic…again, as man evolved he started inventing stuff. However, the first hi-five that paved the way for hi-fives to be used as it is today was after the invention of the wheel. Yes-sir-ee! The hi-five that we all know and love today has a round piece of stone with a hole in the middle to thank.
Since then the popularity of the hi-five has grown many fold (Figure 1). However, groups of people started playing around with the hi-five for no apparent reason. Why would you mess with something so perfect? Today, we see many variations of the hi-five like: the double handed hi-five (hi-ten), the low-five, the double handed low-five (low-ten), behind the back, across the chest, etc. the list goes on. But even with these adaptations, the hi-five remains the most used.
Figure 1: Popularity of the Hi-Five
The hi-fives have been doing a lot of advertising as well. In recent times popular TV show How I Met Your Mother makes a lot of references to the hi-five. Borat too, in his movie ‘Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan’ make a lot of use of the hi-five, sometimes even forcefully asking for one.
With the way the hi-five is gaining popularity, who knows, it may one day become today’s handshake.
For those of you who don’t know how to hi-five here are a few simple steps to follow:
- Locate a potential hi-fiver.
- Approach with a good joke or a simple ‘Hey! What’s up?’
- Lift arm in a way that your palm faces target hi-fiver.
- Wait for target hi-fiver to do the same.
- Swing arm forward in such a way, that your palm lines up with the targets.
- Make sure you make firm contact with the targets palm, or you will look pretty silly and everyone will know its your first time.
Tips for a good hi-five:
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The villain organisation, ASS had gone out poisoning all the donuts with some weird gas they only knew as FART (Fatal Aroma Raising-hell Technique). This gas, as disgusting as it sounds, was a hundred times more disgusting than that. Our scientists at the labs (those who were fortunate enough to survive) tell us that the gas starts off smelling fragrant and inviting. But after a certain amount of time, turns into the most foul smelling disgustingly obnoxious green gas. This gas, when inhaled even in the slightest concentrations could cause people to make faces, point fingers to each other or even close their noses with their fingers. Ok enough of this science mumbo jumbo.
Getting back to the day, I woke up and thought, what better way to start the day than with a donut (or two…may be even four)? So off I went to the store, 30 minutes before it even opened. Thirty minutes later, I was not the only person outside the shop. The shutters finally opened and the sweet smell of freshly made donuts made everyone weak in the knees.
Everyone rushed in leaving me at the back of the lineL. But it was alright. I knew I was going to get some sweet donuts at the end of it. Patiently waiting my turn I looked towards the counter. I tell you my friends. It was at that moment I fell in love. The girl in front of me started yelling, “New flavour! New flavour!” “What? When? Why?” I thought. I looked over her shoulder and there I saw it. Triple Trouble was its name. Chocolate on top, in the middle and under the donut! Pure genius! (Let me remind you of the laws of Donuts. Law 1: You can never have too much chocolate on your donut.)
But by the time I reached the counter, they were all gone. But the girl in front of me the kindest soul offered me one. She bought one and got one free! While biting into the donut, I noticed a funky smell around. Gulping down the rest of it I looked around and saw people closing their noses, pointing blame on each other for the horrible smell.
This had FART gas written all over it. Luckily I carry my anti-FART spray, which I carry in my pocket. You never know when you will need it. I sprayed the entire area with it and every thing was back to normal. But what about the rest of the FART filled donuts? Well I ate them. They smell bad but still taste awesome! (Yes all of them!)
Ahh, after that awesome breakfast, I decided to walk back to the liar. Obviously coz I could not fly with all the donuts I had just eaten. Just then, my super hearing told me someone was in danger. And right enough, a few meters away was a damsel in distress yelling out for help. At once, I knew it was the same kind soul who gave me her donut. I knew it from the chocolate drenched clothes. (The triple trouble was so filled with chocolate that it was humanly impossible to eat it without getting chocolate on your clothes)
Something told me there was some problem with her chappal. May be it was a broken strap or heel. “You are so smart. How did you know it was my chappal? And how did you know it was a broken strap?” she said. With a smile on my face I replied, “No one would stand in the middle of the road with their chappal in their hand shouting for help.”
“You truly are super, SuperCraig!”, she said. But I was not going to let this damsel suffer anymore. I would have carried her and flown her to her destination. But as you recall I had more than a tummy full of donuts. With some quick thinking I managed to craft out a chappal from the left over tissues from the donut place. But a few steps later I needed to fix that as well. Something told me I needed to quick fix the original chappal…but how?! I decided to look into my utility belt. (If batman can have one, so can I)
Paper clip, safety pin, chappal strap…. Just then it hit me. I could make something out of the paper clip and the safety pin. A twist of the wire here, and the bend of a wire there. And voila! A contraption to poke holes in her foot! Ohh wait! What if I used the safety pin to hold the strap to the chappal? Genius I thought to myself! Poke of the pin there, poke of the pin there, puncture in the thumb and voila again! The chappal was a good as new.
Another day saved thanks to SuperCraig!
This is SuperCraig signing out, reminding you to always dot your ‘I’s and cross your ‘t’s!
Friday, October 16, 2009
What do you get when you cross a young man and a Chinese lady?
It was a dark night, and not the type that goes around fighting the joker. The ‘Torcher’ was in town, pretending to help people. He had a good thing going for him. He would turn off the street lights and pose as a do-gooder. Looking at his name, and popular comic clichés, you would think he probably ignites himself, or even flies. But not him. This Torcher did things far worse than setting things or people on fire. He was far more devious. He would pretend to help people across the dark streets and half way through would ‘flash’ them and beat them up with the torch. The screams of his victims could be heard miles away, but no one knew exactly where they were coming from, until the next morning, when the sun would rise and illuminate the place of the crime.
Being a superhero (not a well renowned one though) I was ‘Eveready’ for some superhero action. I pursued the villain for most of my superhero life, but he somehow always escaped. Some may say he outsmarted me all this time, but today, right here; I will let the truth be known. No, I am not tied up with him in anyway. It’s just that I would usually be sleeping during the time he would attack his unsuspecting victims. I decided enough was enough!! I have got to stop this guy, even if it requires me to stay up all night.
His weapon of choice.
So that day, I slept in the afternoon, had bought a couple of ‘energizers’ like Red Bulls to keep me awake in the night. I stood at the corner of his favourite streets. It was my bed time, 11 pm! And the Red Bulls were not helping even a tiny bit. They had fallen asleep by now. So I was just a guy standing at the corner with two sleeping Red Bulls.
Scary, isin't it? Now imagine someone coming to beat you with a torch!
Then at about 11:30 pm, just as I had expected, the street lights went off. Now I was just a guy screaming at the corner. No, I was not scared; I had to let the Torcher know that I was there. Two minutes later, as expected the Torcher made his appearance. He said that he was the shopkeeper from down the road, trying to be a good citizen. This was exactly the modus operandi of the Torcher. I decided to go with the flow. “You are so kind. If you take me across the road, I will give you one of my Red Bulls,” I told him. “What Red Bulls?” he asked. As he swept the torch behind me, there was no sign of the Red Bulls. No sign except for their droppings that is. He said he didn’t expect anything in return. I could see right through his lies. While walking across the road, he asked me if I was from around that area. Small talk before he clubbed me on the back of my head with the torch. Without wasting any more time, I pulled out the handcuffs and cuffed him—torch in hand. There were screams alright, but this time it was not of a victim, it was of the culprit. “I am not the Torcher, you have to believe me!” he kept yelling. But I was not going to fall for that. That’s the first thing anyone shouts when they are guilty. People could now roam the streets freely at night, without the fear of becoming a victim of the Torcher.
Ok, just imagine them red. I didn't have a camera at that time.
A few days later, I was reading the paper (comic strips and the TV schedule first, of course), and when I turned to the first page, I was shocked at the headline. It read “The Torcher removes the batteries of another victim”. “Oh no!! It’s a ‘copy-cat’ Torcher. Some one is trying to copy the Torcher!!” I will have to go out and stop this guy as well.
So I went back to the same corner, with the same plan in mind, but this time, without the Red Bulls. It was a waste of time and money the first time. So I decided not to bother with them. The same thing happened; the lights went off at 11:30. A guy came with the torch, offering to ‘help’ me get to safety. But I wasn’t going to fall for it.
I arrested this guy the same way. He too kept screaming, “You have the wrong guy! I am not the Torcher.” I thought to myself, this guy is a real good copycat. Even his arrest speech was copied.
Another criminal behind bars I thought, as I opened the next day’s newspapers. But to my surprise again, the headline read “The Torcher lives to flash his victims again”. “Oh no! It’s a ‘copy-cat of the copy-cat’ Torcher.
I decided to capture this sorry ‘copy-cat of the copy-cat’ Torcher as well. The same story. Street corner. Lights off at 11:30. Man comes out with torch to ‘help’. I capture the ‘copy-cat of the copy-cat’ Torcher. He yells “I am not the Torcher. I was just trying to help you.” “Save the speech for the judge,” I told him.
But just then, I heard some one scream “NOT AGAIN!” I looked around. There was a man on the other side of the street. He was in tears. I went up to him and asked him, “Did you lose a loved one to the Torcher, or the ‘copy-cat Torcher’ or to this guy, the ‘copy of the copy-cat Torcher’?” He replied with a firm no. What could be the reason of his “NOT AGAIN!” yell? Then it hit me as I caught a glimpse of the torch in his hand. I thought back to the first, second and third guy I arrested. They were telling the truth! They were really just good Samaritans trying to help me to safety. Not that I wasn’t capable of taking care of myself. I was face to face with the original Torcher.
I played it as cool as I could. I reached for the source of his power. He sensed that I was on to him and pulled his torch away from my reach. But I was thinking a step ahead. I grabbed his battery pack. He now had nothing to power his torch. Knowing he was now powerless, he confessed, “I am the real Torcher.” That’s what I needed to hear from him. I arrested him with charges of ‘Assault with a battery’
The town was safe again. People could now roam the streets at night, although I don’t know why they wouldn’t rather sleep.
Ohh...as for the question in the beginning, you get both of them very angry.
This is SuperCraig signing out, reminding you to switch off the lights and fans when you don’t need them. It’s your world too you know.